Writing a heroine with OCD

This page is about a novel and my approach to writing it. It isn't medical advice. If OCD is part of your life, the resources at the bottom are a good place to start.

Why I'm writing Lila

Writing a happily-ever-after rom-com for Lila, a character with OCD, is my chance to write a love story to my younger self. Growing up, I had no clue what OCD was. I never saw anyone on TV, in books, or in real life who experienced the kind of terror I felt every night when my OCD was at its worst. It felt like living in an alternate reality, where I could see hidden dangers everyone else dismissed.

Finding a therapist and getting an OCD diagnosis changed my life, because I discovered I wasn't alone. As I got older, finding friends with OCD and seeing celebrities share their experiences helped me build a community where I could learn, grow, and share my own story.

One thing I learned early on is that shame feeds the disorder. Hiding your compulsions and feeling embarrassed by the thoughts running through your head is understandable. Intrusive thoughts go directly against your values, and that's exactly why they're so scary. But keeping everything hidden only fuels the isolation.

So this book is my part in creating what I want to see in the world: an OCD story told out loud, to start conversations, help people understand, and bring OCD out of the dark. I want people with OCD to see themselves in a book. Not as a flaw, not as something to be fixed, and not as a joke. Just as part of the life they live, a life that includes rivals and romance, mistakes and successes, and most of all, happily ever afters.

Happy reading, happy wedding season, and to those of us with OCD (and everyone joining in community with us): let's go get our happily ever afters.

How I'm approaching this with care

• Lila's OCD is never the joke. You won't find anyone saying "I'm so OCD" because they like a tidy desk.
• A sensitivity reader will review the book before it's final. My experience is one experience of OCD, not the only one.
• This is a rom-com with OCD representation, not a book about OCD. Lila is so much more than her OCD: she's a wedding planner, she loves making fun drinks, and she's into smart, attractive guys who challenge her.
• The love story isn't about curing Lila's OCD. Love doesn't fix everything, and OCD isn't magically cured by finding the right guy. There's a whole life ahead for Lila after the last page, both with Nate and inside her own head.

How OCD shows up in the book

No spoilers, but here's what to expect.

• Checking. Lila goes back to make sure, then makes sure again, because the doubt won't let go. You'll see her compulsions on the page, not just hear about them.
• The "what if" thoughts. Intrusive worries that she's missed something, ruined something, or is about to be found out.
• The hiding. She's very good at making it look like everything's fine at work, and it costs her.
• The shame. Her fear that if people see the real her, they'll leave. Her best friend Henry tells her, "You think if you're not perfect, people leave. That's not how this works." She's still learning to believe him.
• The people who stay. Nate doesn't fix her. He learns, he pays attention, and he stays.

Content warnings

Myth vs. reality

A quick glossary

Obsessions

Unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that keep coming back and cause real distress. They're not wishes, and they're not who the person is.

Compulsions

Things a person does, out loud or in their head, to quiet the anxiety an obsession causes or to prevent something they fear. The relief doesn't last, so the loop starts again.

Intrusive thoughts

Almost everyone has strange or upsetting thoughts sometimes. With OCD, those thoughts get stuck and feel urgent, dangerous, or impossible to ignore.

Checking

A common compulsion: going back to make sure, again and again, that something is locked, off, right, or safe, because the doubt won't let go. Lila's OCD shows up a lot like this.

Reassurance seeking

Asking other people, over and over, to confirm that something is okay. It helps for a minute, and then the doubt comes back.

ERP

Exposure and response prevention, a type of cognitive behavioral therapy and one of the main evidence-based treatments for OCD. Learn more from the International OCD Foundation.

Books with OCD representation

The book that shaped how I'm writing Lila, plus the ones readers with OCD recommend most, which I'm reading now.

Where it started for me

• 
  Turtles All the Way Down by John Green Read it

  Aza's spiraling thoughts are some of the most honest writing about OCD I've read. It's a YA novel, not a romance, but it changed how I wanted to write Lila.

Romances and rom-coms with OCD rep

• 
  Highly Suspicious and Unfairly Cute by Talia Hibbert Next on my list

  A YA rom-com: ex-best friends Celine and Brad get stuck together on a wilderness survival course. Brad lives with OCD, and Talia Hibbert has shared that her own OCD inspired him.

• 
  Beard in Mind by Penny Reid Next on my list

  A rom-com whose heroine, Shelly, lives with OCD, and one readers with OCD recommend again and again.

• 
  The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun Next on my list

  A dating-show romance whose hero, Charlie, lives with OCD and anxiety.

• 
  Some Sort of Happy by Melanie Harlow Next on my list

  A contemporary romance with a hero who has OCD.

YA that readers with OCD love

• 
  History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera Next on my list

  Griffin, who lives with OCD, is grieving his first love, and the only person who understands is the boy his ex dated next. Heartbreaking and honest.

• 
  The Unlikely Hero of Room 13B by Teresa Toten Next on my list

  Adam meets Robyn at an OCD support group for teens and decides he's going to be her hero, whatever it takes. Funny and tender.

A few of these came from fellow readers with OCD, like author Nicole Zelniker and @corywhyyreads. Go give them a follow.

More on mental health in fiction: Books that handle mental health with care.

Resources